Pause On The Play Ep 5

Hey, hey there, and welcome back to Pause on the Play. This is Erica Courdae and as always, it's amazing to see you here where you are challenged to examine your beliefs, question your predisposed notions, and consider realities you may have been unfamiliar with to understand that they, too, are real. I am your host and conversation emcee for the day, and I am here to get the conversation going.

So you know I like bringing in the conversations that I'm having out in life and really talking about them is a big thing for me. So there's this concept around what happens when you're evolving, when you're going to up-level. And with the title of this episode being You Can't Come for the Ride, I wanted to kind of explain where that's coming from. So again, when you have to move to the next level of your personal or professional life and you have to leave people behind, it's not always an easy thing. I don't think it's necessarily ever an easy thing, even if you realize that this person isn't good for you. They're not conducive to the things you're trying to do. There's always kind of a mourning, to an extent, of what it was, just that change that can happen.

It's usually something that's necessary, but nobody wants to feel like, yeah, we've been friends, or we've been connected in some way, shape, or form, and now I have to say no more. That's not necessarily where any of us necessarily choose to be, but again, it's necessary. Sometimes it comes from somebody not being okay with where you're going, they don't like the direction your going in, they have their particular feelings around it, or if there's any kind of other additional negativity or challenging emotions. So if you're doing something and someone says, "You know what? I don't like that. I don't think that's a good thing. It's not what I want to do." Or, "It's not the way that I would do it." That doesn't help you to move forward, and sometimes you have to say no because of that. So therefore, you choose to not include their toxic energy where you're going.

Sometimes, it's just a matter of them just not being good for where you're going. If you see that someone lives in victim-hood, if you see that the majority of the conversations that you're having with them center around them being stuck or you having the same Groundhog's Day conversation of, "Things will get better." Or, "You can do this." Or, "I know that this is what's going on, but it doesn't have to be that way." You're kind of talking them off the ledge. Whatever it is, you're just realizing that, yeah, this doesn't necessarily work.

And from my experience, the last one is the hardest because when you see someone that's at a place in life that isn't good for them, but you realize that what they're carrying, you're starting to pick it up and it's not good for you.

Now you have to start making some changes because not only do you not want to see them going through it, but now you have two people on this boat and nobody needs to be on this boat, so something needs to shift.

So it's difficult when it's like they didn't technically do anything. They didn't betray you, there wasn't any boundary crossing, there was no habitual line stepping. Anyone that's a Chappelle Show fan will get that reference. You just kind of hit the point where you realize that they're not aligned with you anymore, and whether or not that's who you were or simply who you're becoming, you're realizing that the fit isn't there. And whether or not it's you that change, that they changed, or maybe the alignment wasn't truly what you ever thought it was. No matter what, here we are. This is what we have to work on. This is what has to happen.

And you realize that they're not welcome where you're going, and you have to move from that point. And I've had this happen as I've grown, and it never sucks any less. But each time, excuse me, each time I see that it's more and more of a necessity for it because I can't get to where I'm trying to go if I'm trying to hold onto things that no longer serve me, I'm trying to hold onto relationships that no longer serve me. Or I realize that who I'm becoming, I can't be that fully if I am tethered to these old ideals. So you have to cut cords and you have to move forward, and it's just something that you have to do. It's kind of that simple.

I've had all kinds of reasons why, and I'm sure that you've gone through that as well. But again, the closer you becoming to being the best and most aligned version of yourself at that moment, because let's be honest, it is a constant evolution,

you have to find that place to be okay to let go of people that zap your energy. That trigger you in ways to not be who you are. They make you step out of yourself. That's not going to work. You can't do those things.

And what happens is the farther you step into challenging those preconceived notions that I've talked about. If you're doing your work around privilege, bias, racism, any ideas that were given to you as the gospel truth by society and you're now like, "I'm not doing this anymore." Doing this work, you will leave people behind. You will have moments when it will happen. You will have times when you will become more and more aware. Awake. And you can't un-see what you've seen. So therefore, you have to answer the call to do work and as you answer that call, some won't understand, some will push against you and your unwillingness to no longer go with the program you've always subscribed to, simply because it was given to you.

People are going to have to get off this ride. And you don't have to carry what comes with that, but if you've taken the responsibility to do the work, you have to say yes to what you have to say yes to, and you have to say it fully. And that means that you may have to acknowledge that some relationships, they've just gone as far as they're going to go, and if you are doing the work, you have to step away, however it is that you need to do it. They won't take kindly to being challenged or feeling uncomfortable or being put on notice for their actions or work, and that's fine. But that doesn't mean that you have to shrink yourself in order to make them feel better.

Some people just might be unwilling to change anything and they're stubborn and you're going to repel each other at that point. And it may stay that way, it may not stay that way, but that has nothing to do with where you are now and you needing to do what you need to do in this moment. Things can shift in the future. You never know what the future holds, and you can always leave space for that, but you have to hold space for yourself now to do what you need to do. And that means some people have to get off the ride. This is a test for you as well. This is a test of, how much do you really want to make these shifts? Will you continue on your path despite this upheaval and this discomfort that's coming up? Or will you buckle and go back to the programming and sacrifice others to save your false sense of security?

You know what you need to do. You don't have to do it alone, but you do need to do it. You can find support to get through it, you can find people around you that are like-minded, and maybe they just simply needed someone that was going to be open in order for them to have that dialogue as well. Maybe they were nervous. But you never know the catalyst for change that you can become, how you can be that conduit to bring through the type of energy that's necessary.

But that means you may have some people that can't come along for the ride. And doing that, you make space for people that do need to and want to come along for the ride.

They're choosing to do this for themselves and along with you. And in you being challenged on whether or not you really want this and then saying yes, you have to make space for people that are going to hold space for you as well in that yes.

Again, using that word 'conduit'. This is where the magic is happening. This is where change comes into reality. You bring these things into fruition. Using my word for the year, bloom. This is where you start to bloom. Again, you do not have to do this alone. I am here to support you, but then there's also people within the community that I am in that hold space for exactly these kinds of things as well. They're working on these types of things for themselves, their personal lives, and the communities that they lead. The businesses that they are in. This is a place for us to speak to each other about how change can happen. So I want you to go over to Instagram, to Facebook, of course, I'm always @EricaCourdae for both or email me. I want you to talk with me and let me know how you need support so that you can take the ride. Don't sit in silence and think you have to do it alone. There is strength in numbers. Let's do this.

So if you loved this Pause on the Play, this is just one of the iterations of how I use conversation to create connection. The Conversation Workshop is another. This is a series where I talk with a guest, very similar to what I did today, about topics like diversity and inclusion within your marketing or even creating diversity within wellness spaces. The difference is we also give you space to have a live Q&A with us so you can get support. These conversations are not complete without you. Hop on over to, check out the show notes for the information and links as well, and register for the upcoming episode so you can get personalized support to further your growth.

The conversations we have here are to normalize the challenging things and make them a part of your normal exchanges. This is how we remove stigma and create real changing connections, cross lines, and recreate boundaries to support, not separate.

If you enjoyed this podcast, show me some love by subscribing, sharing it with a friend, or leaving us a review. Reviews are the fuel to keep the podcast engine going. Let's get more people dropping the veil and challenging their thoughts, feelings, and actions. Speaking of keeping it going, if you don't already follow and engage with us over on Instagram @EricaCourdae, come on over there and do that. I really want to talk with you, just DM me, and let's do this. I love being here and creating the bridge for you to walk over to become the change that you want to see. So join us next time, and until then, keep the dialogue going. Bye.


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